Outside of Parameters
by alcimines
Summary: Brainiac 5 discovers that the Legion cruisers flight -recorders are picking up all kind of interesting data on how Legionnaires entertain themselves on long, boring flights. This story is set in the pre-Crisis period.


OUTSIDE OF PARAMETERS

"Sir, please pardon the interruption, but I have a situation that requires administrative overview."

Brainiac 5 frowned. Then he turned away from the view-screen that was displaying the results of his latest experiment. Another screen had just gone active. It was the hangar-bay computer that was making the request - which was a bit of a surprise.

To say that Brainiac 5 had become very wary of artificial intelligence was a massive understatement. Thanks to more than a few ugly incidents, he was now extremely careful with the capabilities that he built into his computer systems. The headquarters' hangar-bay computer was much smarter than most of the other operations computers - which was a necessity given the complexity of its job. But Brainy had designed that computer so that it was so focused on its responsibilities - ship maintenance, repair, landing and launching operations - that it had no measurable chance of developing a rogue sentience problem. As a result, the hangar-bay computer was extremely competent, yet tightly focused. And until now it had never asked for direct help.

"What's wrong?" Brainy asked as he quickly called up a window the showed the hangar-bay system display. Nothing seemed to be obviously out of order.

"A situation has arisen that is outside of my parameters, and a review of operational protocols indicated that I should contact an administrator," answered the computer.

Brainy nodded, "Go on."

"Someone has attempted to modify the flight recorder files archive. They tried to delete originals and backups of specific bridge/cockpit audio-visual records. The request was refused on the grounds of UP regulations and internal security permissions. Upon closer examination, those particular records were classified as being of a human-sensitive nature."

One of Brainy's eyebrows rose slightly as he considered what the computer was saying.

"Display an example of one of those records. Random choice," Brainy ordered.

The screen that the hangar-bay computer was using to report to Brainy went blank. And then the darkness was replaced with a bridge view of one of the Legion cruisers. A hexadecimal record summary was displayed in the upper right corner of the recording. Brainy automatically translated it: the recording was from cruiser number five, two weeks ago. Tinya and Jo were on their way to Altair V, flight duration was estimated at six hours and seven minutes, and they were two hours and twenty-five minutes into the flight.

Tinya was naked and spreadeagled in the co-pilot's couch. The back of the couch had been lowered so that the couch was more like an inclined cot. She was supporting herself by holding onto the chair's armrests and her legs were splayed over the sides of the seat. Jo had pulled off his costume and was positioning himself atop Tinya…

Brainy leaned his head into his hands. "Oh, grife," he moaned.

Suddenly, Tinya squealed and scissored her arms and legs around Jo's back as she spasmodically thrust her pelvis tightly against him.

"Stop!" Brainy yelled. Then he leaned back in his chair and put a hand over his eyes.

The computer waited patiently for Brainiac 5 to say something. In fact, the computer allowed the equivalent of several computer millennia to pass while it waited for some kind of response. When nothing came, it finally initiated a prompt.

"Awaiting instructions," the computer announced.

Brainy finally looked up. He should make sure that what he had seen wasn't just a statistical fluke.

"Show me another random record."

Dawnstar - naked and gloriously beautiful - and Drake was hesitantly touching her...

"Stop," Brainy said hastily. Then he leaned back in his chair and thought.

"How much material of that nature do you have archived?" he finally asked. "Uh, by that I specifically mean material from the flight recorders that includes some sort of sexual activity."

"15.375 gigabytes in 1,927 files," was the instant response.

"WHAT?!" Brainy exploded.

The computer instantly constructed a database and displayed a number-intensive report on the screen. Brainy stared at it in shock.

"There are 15.375 gigabytes of data recorded in 1,927 separate files," the computer began. "That represents 3,229 specific sexual interactions over a time period of five years. All members of the Legion, the Substitute Legion, and twelve non-members have been recorded as participants in this kind of ship-board activity. Intensity and complexity of the sexual acts range from incidents of masturbation by a lone ship occupant, to one extreme case in which seven persons participated in a communal sexual activity."

"It's called an 'orgy'," Brainy sighed.

"Correction noted." The computer performed a minor terminology change and the database display modified slightly in response.

"Continue report," Brainy ordered.

"Masturbation is very common - occurring 89.32% of the time - among lone individuals on a flight that is longer than six hours duration. It is much less likely to occur - less than 30% probability - on a shorter flight, and it always occurs at least once during a lone flight of at least two days duration. That is consistent with the existing standard psycho-medical literature, although it is in the upper frequency range of such behavior. That is probably due to the relatively large number of young adults in the target population of cruiser occupants."

Brainy frowned. "Well, that's not really pathological, I suppose. But maybe some more game programs on the ships' computers..."

As Brainy paused thoughtfully to consider his options, the computer took that as permission to continue its report.

"Partnered sexual activity is more likely to occur among established pairs while they are flying to a mission. Sex between non-established pairs and the three-or-more person activity described by you as an "orgy" are more likely to occur on flights back to headquarters. Standard psycho-medical analysis suggests that the former indicates ordinary pair-bonding activity. The latter suggests a reaction to shared participation in dangerous, high-stress situations."

Brainy nodded thoughtfully, agreeing with the analysis.

"Continue."

"There is a considerable range in the amount and kind of sexual activity by individuals. The most common paired sexual act is heterosexual. Homosexual, lesbian, and grouped bi-sexual activities follow in that order of frequency. With only two exceptions, all members of the Legion have demonstrated a willingness to at least experiment with the same gender. The few exceptions are males whose psychological profiles show the highest levels of innate personal territoriality. They are..."

"Skip it," Brainy said as he made a mental note to consult the psychological literature on that latter point. There were some interesting implications.

"Some members are much more sexually active than others. Dream Girl has had sex with most of the..."

"I don't need the details," Brainy ordered.

"Sun Boy has..."

"I don't need the details on him either. That sprocking show-off should consider renaming himself 'Slut Boy'."

"Some members are much less sexually active than others..."

"I know. I know. Thanks for depressing me. Skip the details."

"There are several possible points of data distortion that have been noted. Because they warp the pairings list, interactions involving Chameleon Boy while he is in another form are indicated by a special field that describes the assumed form. Interactions solely between Duo Damsel's component personalities are classified as masturbation. Interactions in which Duo Damsels' component personalities participated with at least one other person are classified as an orgy. Interactions between Wildfire and Dawnstar that do not fit the normal biological definition of sex, but are intended to result in orgasm, are classified as sex. One hundred and three incidents in which one person masturbated in order to visually entertain others are classified as sex. Seventy-three incidents of two or more individuals simultaneously masturbating while observing each other are classified as sex. Two hundred and three instances of erotic games of chance or dare that result in nudity, but no form of physical contact, are not classified as sex. One hundred and twelve incidents of erotic dance are not classified as sex. Seventeen incidents of spankings are not classified as sex despite the fact they involve at least partial nudity and physical contact."

"Spankings?!" Brainy asked, his eyes growing wide.

Another recording appeared on the screen.

SMACK!

"Ow!"

SMACK!

"Ow! Oh, c'mon, Ayla, I'll be more careful! I promise!" a rough male voice said through gritted teeth.

SMACK!

"Shut up! Just shut the hells up!" yelled a woman's obviously distraught voice - there was something in her angry voice that suggested she had been crying recently. "If you ever... EVER... scare me like that again..."

"I said I was sorry! But it was the only way to save those people!"

"No it wasn't! And don't you dare move or it's finished between us forever!"

SMACK! "Ow!" SMACK! "Ow!" SMACK! "Ow!"

Brainy's mouth was hanging open in complete shock. "Turn that off!" he finally yelled.

The screen went blank.

"Awaiting instructions," the computer finished.

Brainy hesitated, lost in thought. Then he made a quick mental calculation.

"Show me the appropriate file for flight A12F390BB-EE36C."

Another recording began - and a smile quirked across Brainy's face.

"Go forward two hours," Brainy ordered quietly.

The recording immediately skipped forward.

"Freeze," Brainy said. His smile had vanished and there was a slight catch in his voice.

They were lying quietly together on a tiny bunk that had been extruded from the wall of the bridge. It was really too small for the three of them, but they made space for each other as best they could. Kara had her red and yellow cape wrapped around all three of them. Tasmia's pure black hair was a like a long, dark, veil that was drifting over Brainy and Kara's bodies.

Reaching out to the screen, Brainy touched their faces.

"Awaiting instructions," the computer said after a while

Brainy wiped his eyes. It was time to get back to work.

"Show me the file intrusion data," he finally ordered.

* * *

Imra sighed and offered Brainy a chair. They were in the private quarters shared by her and Garth. There was perhaps a bit of color in her cheeks. And that was telling - it took a lot to embarrass a telepath.

Brainy sat down warily.

"Okay, Querl. I know what this is about. And - no - I didn't read your mind," Imra said.

"Not telepathically," Brainy replied with a slight smile. "How did you get involved in this?"

Imra shrugged uncomfortably, "It started with that mission to Corvalis a few days ago."

Brainy nodded slowly, "I read the report on that one. You and Garth reviewed the data on a cockpit recorder to find out what had happened on that crashed cargo ship."

"Yes, and we learned enough to capture that smuggling ring. I didn't think anything else about it. But on the way back from Corvalis... well, it's a twenty hour flight and... uh... that is, Garth and I..."

"I understand," Brainy interrupted hastily. He had never seen Imra so unsure of herself. Normally she was very confident.

Obviously relieved at not having to go into the details, Imra continued with her story, "Well, I suddenly put two and two together, and when we got back I decided to anonymously check and see exactly what was being picked up by our flight recorder systems. And that's when I found out that just about everyone in the Legion had found the same way to beat the boredom of a long space trip. And the flight recorder systems were picking up every second of it."

Brainy nodded.

"I over-reacted and tried to delete the files," Imra continued. "And then I found out that I couldn't do that - and I'd also set off a security alert. I just wasn't sure what to do, so I scrambled the file access times and used a data-scrubber to try to hide my trail. I was trying to buy some time to think things over."

"That probably would have worked," Brainy replied thoughtfully. "But besides myself, only you, Nura, and Lyle have the necessary background to perform that kind of in-depth computer intrusion. Once I confirmed that the exploit was internal, it was just a matter of making a deduction from the concepts of motive and opportunity. You were the only one of the suspects that fit."

"Imra sighed disgustedly, "I guess I'm not cut out for a life of crime. I'm sorry, Querl. I should have come to you immediately."

There was an awkward pause.

"Well, now what?" Imra asked plaintively.

Brainy hesitated before her replied, "There's no perfect solution. But I think the best way to proceed is to seal the records under an extra security protocol. Unless someone can present verified credentials indicating they are performing a safety- or investigation-related inspection, they won't be able to look at the records. There's already something like that in place - we'll just intensify it by an order of magnitude. And that protocol for a given file won't degrade until a twenty year period has passed."

Imra nodded thoughtfully and then asked, "Did you consider just destroying the files?"

"Yes," Brainy replied. "I figured out a way to do it while I was on my way here. But it would be in violation of UP law and Legion regulations. And..."

"And?" Imra asked, her eyebrows rising curiously.

Brainy seemed to struggle for words, before he responded.

"Some... Some of the recordings... Uh, this isn't just about voyeurism, Imra. Some of those recordings have very strong personal meaning and it wouldn't be right to simply destroy them. And I don't think it's up to us to decide for everyone else which recordings are expendable and which are not."

Imra didn't say anything. She just looked at Brainy thoughtfully.

"Legionnaires die, Imra," Brainy said earnestly. "What we do is dangerous and some of us pay the price. For those of us left behind, those recordings of... intimate moments... could be very important."

Imra carefully examined Brainy's face. Then she smiled and said, "I think you're right. But we have a problem. You said that some of the recordings might be important. But if they're locked down under multiple layers of administrative security, how will our people know that they exist? And who will decide what recordings become available to who and under what circumstances?"

Brainy hesitated before answering. "Frankly, I was hoping you could help me, Imra. You're the only person I trust with something like this. This is a... people... thing and I've never been very good at that sort of thing."

"Please help me."

This wasn't a side of Brainiac 5 that he liked anyone to ever see. Imra suddenly felt honored by the level of trust Brainy was expressing in her. Reaching out, Imra took Brainy's hand in her own. Then she said quietly, "It's okay, Brainy. We'll sort it out together."


End file.
